What Could've Happened
by usmccanthem
Summary: The Goblet of Fire with a twist.This is what happens when you trust people like Ludo Bagman and Cornelius Fudge to make a deadly tournament. While Harry Bloody Potter does the exact opposite of what everyone expects while having fun and being absolutely insane! Review and Enjoy!


_I do not own Harry Potter!_

_You know how in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire he summons his broom for the first challenge. Well, what I want to know is why he walked through the maze? Honestly he could've just summoned his broom again and flown to the bloody cup, or flown over the maze before the task and make a map..._

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**What Could've Happened...**

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**...**

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**Prat Potter is a Prude**

"Oh look, its Potty all alone. Did your Mudblood finally see sense and join the Weasel, Potty?" Malfoy sneeringly asked the small boy who was leaning against a column. When Harry did nothing but blink at the other boy, Malfoy tried to up the ante. "Have you gotten a look at our new badges Potter?" The badge which read "Cedric Diggory the True Hogwarts Champion" swirled until it was "Potter Stinks".

Harry, who did not have much in the way of self esteem could've taken the badges a number of ways and decided that the least travelled path would be the one for him.

"Hey Malfoy, can I have one?" Potter asked sincerely, which brought the bunch of guffawing baboons behind Malfoy to a stop.

"What did you say Potty?" Malfoy asked incredulously, which was something he couldn't be blamed for. It truly was an odd request.

"May I have a badge?" Harry fixed his grammar, thinking that was the reason for their sudden reaction.

Malfoy, not really knowing what to do, fished a badge out of his pocket and handed it to the other boy. "Here Potty," he weakly sneered before he and his Slytherin posse walked away.

"I wonder what is wrong with them?" Harry asked himself as he started tampering with the charm on the badge given to him by Malfoy. When it was satisfactory he pinned it on his robes and went to the Great Hall for dinner.

HPHPHP

A great number of odd things happen around Harry Potter, take his being entered into the tournament as one of them, but him walking around in one of the badges was truly peculiar. Everybody could see it swirl to something different, but no one could read what it said, until Granger got up the courage, being a true Gryffindor, to ask.

"Um, Harry?"

Harry looked up from his food to stare questionably at her. "Yes?"

Hermione bit her lip before continuing, "What does your badge say?" She knew her friend well enough not to ask why he was wearing it, as his reasoning never made sense to her.

Harry blinked. "Oh, it says Prat Potter is a Prude." He _seemed _quite proud of what he said.

Even though she knew that asking for reason was not a good thing, she couldn't help but ask: "Why?"

"'Cause it sounds better than Potter Stinks and is so much more true, don't you think?" Then he reached into his robe pocket and fished out another modified badge. "Want one?"

Hermione sighed, what was she really hoping for? "Okay." She then pinned it on her robe and joined him in eating again.

The badges made by Harry spread like wildfire, allowing people to join in the joke, while still supporting Cedric. Harry didn't really get why people thought it was a joke, but let it slide.

It was true, he was a prat, a potter and a prude so why is it a joke?

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**...**

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**The Dragon named Shirley, or Magda**

Harry walked toward the stadium, hearing the dull roar of the crowd booing and cheering for him. He idly wondered if Malfoy had actually bet that he would die, and thought that he probably should've bet the same. Shaking out his arms he tried to rid himself of such thoughts as the gong sounded for him to start.

There she was: the Horntail in all her glory. The dragon was poising to strike, so Harry did the only thing he could think of.

He yelled.

**::STOP!::** He didn't notice the way the crowd became silent as the sibilant tones of parsel tongue rang out, amplified by the charm on the arena.

All he was currently paying attention to was the stunned dragon in front of him, who suddenly moved forward so that her snout was in his face.

**::You speak! A speaker!::** She cried triumphant.** ::Oh, just wait till I get back to the reserve. Maggie's going to be sooo jealous!:: **Harry was stunned beyond belief as the dragon preened in smug satisfaction.

**::Uh... H-hi.:: **He stuttered nervously as a little bit of fire came out of her noise from the joy.

**::Oh you are adorable aren't you.::** He was flattered and beyond depressed that he could only get complimented by a dragon, but then again he just got complimented by a dragon.

**::T-thanks.::** Realizing that he was just standing there doing nothing while he was supposed to be competing he asked the female dragon **::So, did you know that you have a fake egg in your... er, clutch?::**

The dragon went from preening to pissed in a millisecond. **::WHAT? WHERE?:: **She'd snapped around to glare ferociously at her clutch trying to find the fake. It was quite unnerving to the crowd who occasionally screamed in terror, with Malfoy providing the most girly scream of all.

Again Harry only had eyes for the dragon and told her. **::Well they put a golden egg – ::** He watched as she snatched the golden egg from her nest and hastened to tell her the rest. **::Yes that one and I had to get it for this tournament thingy and yeah.::**

This stopped the mother dragon from swallowing it whole as she turned back to the human speaker. **::So speaker, this was for you to get?:: **When he nodded, she dropped the egg in front of him**. ::Here you go, anything for a speaker.::**

**::Thanks::** He said pathetically as the crowd stared at him in disbelief. He could understand the feeling as he picked up the slightly warm egg.** ::Before I forget, may I ask you your name ma'am?::**

He could've sworn the dragon blushed as a puff of smoke came from its nostrils.** ::Oh so polite you are. Of course you may know my name. Call me Shirley hun. What's yours?::**

Harry blushed a beet red that had the dragon handlers wondering what Magda (which is what they called her) had said. **::Name's Harry Potter ma'am, uh, Shirley.::**

The dragon backed out of his face and...giggled. **::Perfect, perfect. I can't wait to rub it into to Maggie's face that **_**I**_** met the boy-who-lived and a speaker to boot. No more bragging about how she got the best mate, no sir.::**

**::Well, Shirley, it's, uh, been nice meeting you but I must be going.:: **Harry said as he backed quickly out of the arena.

**::Toodles darling!::** She called as he ran to the medic tent. Then the dragon curled contently around her nest and seemed to fall asleep. Though if Harry were still there, he would've heard things like **::Such a nice boy:: **or** ::That silly bint won't see it coming:: **and **::I wonder what's so important about a fake egg?::**

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**...**

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**A Night to Remember**

McGonagall had told him a while ago that he_ needed_ a partner for the Yule ball, and he was beginning to go frantic as he realized that there as only three days left. Honesty, how do girls expect to get asked out when they move around in packs? Bloody hell, he could already sense the blood lust coming from them as they reached their talons – fingernails – into the closest victims.

Having been a lonely child, shunned by his peers, he never really got the whole cooties and play weddings stuff that the other kids participated (even Dudley hadn't been spared when Piers' littler sister had gotten her clutches on him) so he was completely clueless. He was worse than Ron, who had managed to snag an odd girl by the name of Luna Lovegood to go to the ball. Absently he wondered if Shirley was still around so that he could ask her, as he had to ask a female, nothing was ever mentioned about them being human...

HUMAN!

'Oh yes so perfect', he thought to himself as he ran through the halls of the school. 'Absolutely Brilliant.'

HPHPHP

By the time everybody, but the champions and their dates , had filled into the Great Hall, the one thing on everybody's mind was who did Harry Potter take to the ball? When questioned about who his date was he answered: "A loyal lady is who she is." This, of course, made many think of Hermione Granger, who also had a mystery date and had stayed by his side throughout the years, but both denied being each other dates. Not many people believed this, having read the many articles in Witch Weekly about the couples not-so-hidden love.

So it came as a huge surprise when Hermione entered the Hall with Victor Krum, Bulgarian Champion, both with extremely bemused expressions on their faces. They walked to the champions table and sat down, both looking at the door as if watching for the source of their bemusement.

Next came Fleur Delacour, French Champion, with Roger Davies, whom many were surprised to see wasn't enthralled by the quarter Veela. Instead Davies seemed to be... constipated. No, that's not right. No, he looked to be trying not to laugh from the look of mirth that could be seen on the two's faces. Fleur's amusement wasn't as prominent, but she no longer had the snootish look on her face that many had grown accustomed to, this stopped many people from becoming enthralled by her allure.

Thirdly was the pair that many were not surprised about: Cedric Diggory, the true Hogwarts Champion, and Cho Chang, the Ravenclaw seeker. However both seemed to be crying, and sniggering. Thankfully Cho's make up was waterproof, so her looks did not change with the river of tears flowing down her face in laughter. Cedric seemed to have trouble breathing, which hindered his walking as he tripped up a bit.

Finally the moment arrived when Harry Potter walked through the doors with... no one. Wait, there's somebody on his arm. Oh my, it seems as though Harry brought... Winky. The house elf was prettily attired in a russet coloured princess dress that brought out her big brown eyes. Her bat-like ears flapped up and down as they walked. Loyal Lady indeed. Harry walked with a jaunty step and beamed proudly about. Having fun he waved cheerily at a dazed Ron, whose date waved back.

This, it seemed was too much for the three couples who proceeded him.

Laughter was heard, and the formal air of the ball seemed to dissipate as everyone cheered or jeered. They settled in to eat the feast, and then dance. The first dance of the champions was hilarious as Winky was twirled, lifted, and glided across the dance floor as Harry expertly had fun dancing, not caring for the proper steps making his dancing all the better.

The night went on, with the cheery air never leaving the Hall as one-by-one the dancers left to go to bed, with Winky and Harry being one of the last ones to leave.

It truly was a night to remember.

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**A Fishy Friend**

Why did he always have to leave thing till the last minute? He was currently standing with his feet in the lake, trousers rolled up, holding his egg studying the surface. Not seeing anything of importance but a few dents caused by Shirley trying to eat it, he opened it to hear the screeching. Completely frustrated he tossed it into the lake, and was satisfied as it sunk into the water. He then just stood there for a minute.

"Crap, now I have to go get it." He muttered to himself as he tossed his shirt and glasses atop his robe on the shore. Swimming out to where he last saw it and then went under.

While he was expecting a lot of things to happen, like drowning, he did not expect to see and breathe underwater. His eye twitched as he heard the pretty melody basically telling him what to expect... Ruddy mermish should go to hell. He grabbed the egg from the bottom and swam expertly out of the water.

As he did a drying charm on himself he thanked his lucky stars that his relatives had never taken him to the pool or that would've been some awkward questions. Never once did he think it weird that he was able to swim after no lessons or breathe underwater with no charm, he just accepted it. Then again, when he was so used to impossible things happening to him, he just accepted every weird thing without fuss.

He wondered just who they were going to take from him that would be sorely missed. Nobody would be stupid enough to think that they would take an object. He didn't know that this is what everybody else would've thought when hearing the clue.

But he is Harry Bloody Potter.

HPHPHP

The day of the task he noticed that both Hermione and Ron were not there at breakfast to support him, and that Cho – who had been attached at the hip to Cedric – was also noticeably absent. Harry, being more observant than most people gave him credit for, knew that Ron would be his captive. He didn't understand how people picked them. Honestly, if people paid any attention, they would've known to pick Neville, whom he told all his secrets to or Luna – he had started to hang out with her ever since the ball – who was able to understand his twisted logic like no other.

Ah well, he was going to save Ron anyway.

He was at the edge of the lake with the other three champions in various states of undress. They wore weird swim suits, in obvious wizard style, while Harry wore his...

"Potter, what are you wearing?" Cedric questioned his fellow champion who was wearing a full body...

"Wet suit, don't want to get cold." Harry answered like it was obvious, which to most muggleborns it would be. The three champions however were not muggleborn.

"A Vet suit? Vat iz a Vet suit?" Krum asked, intrigued.

Harry looked at them like they were stupid, and decided against giving them a full answer. "Muggle thing, ask Hermione."

The other three nodded, knowing that it was valid explanation on almost anything, and got into positions as Ludo Bagman started to count down.

"Three..." 'I wonder how well I'll be able to swim with this on,' Harry mused.

"Two..." 'Will they use heating charms to keep warm?'

"One..." 'Is this count down over yet?'

"GO!" Finally he jumped into the water and swam a quick freestyle to the middle, leaving a trail of bubbles in his wake.

Harry, not being stupid, knew that the Mercity would be at the middle of the lake, where it was deepest, and also knew that going underwater would cause all the obstacles that the put into the lake would attack, so he tried to get as close as he could without getting attacked. Reaching his destination, he dived down, moving swiftly through the water, occasionally shooting spells at the silly little creatures that decided to bug him. He did his spells non-verbally, but he'd been doing that for two years now and thought it was normal.

When he saw Ron he cast a quick curse at the weed holding him down and a quick _accio_ on him, which quickened his time quite a bit, and tugged him up to the surface.

Breaking to the surface Ron sputtered as water entered his mouth, and swam along with Harry to the shore. While they were still swimming awkwardly (read Ron) to the shore, Ron decided to have a conversation.

"Hello my fishy friend," Ron joked, which got a small laugh from Harry. "Seriously though, thanks for that mate."

"No problem," Harry said easily, as it hadn't been any trouble for him.

As Bagman's voice boomed over the crowd, announcing Harry to be in first place a little while later, Harry wondered if the next task would at least be difficult, as so far he was quite disappointed.

Oh well, at least he could swim.

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**Mazey the Quidditch Ptich**

Harry Potter, Hogwarts Champion, Defeater of Voldemort, Boy-Who-Lived-To-Be-A-Prude, Regular ol' Freak, was currently standing in front of the third task which he secretly liked to call Mazey the Quidditch Pitch. True to form, Harry had once again decided to do something out of the box. While everyone else would go through the maze with all its tricks and monsters, Harry was going to go above it.

Oh, there's the whistle. Harry ran into the maze, having studied it from above, and went into a dead end that he knew the other champions would ignore. Then he sat and waited. And waited. The second, third and fourth whistles went off, and he watched the champions run past him. Shooting off a quick _accio_, he walked back out of Mazey the Quidditch Pitch, much to the confusion of the crowd and judges. But he didn't do anything, just waited.

Then the crowd heard something moving quickly toward them. "There above the maze," many cried pointing at the cup as it zoomed toward Harry. They all watched as the cup dropped before the Boy-Who-Lived feet in dazed confusion before cheering thunderously. The judges were staring at Harry in shock, how could they be so stupid?

Albus Percival Wulfic Brian Dumbledore, Supreme Mugwump, Head of the International Confederation of Wizards, Headmaster of Hogwarts and all around crackpot was the first to get out of his daze. With that blasted twinkle in his eye that screamed "trust me" he congratulated Harry and grabbed the cup.

HPHPHP

The Defeater/Lover of Grindlewald found himself in a graveyard, next to "Tom Riddle's" grave, and knew what was happening, but decided that he should have a lemon drop instead of looking around. He was also finished with it when he heard a shuffling sound that preceded the young Peter Pettigrew.

"Ah, Peter, my dear boy, what are you doing in such a delightful graveyard today, hmmm?" Dumbles jovially asked. Shaking his bag of lemon drops he offered them to the cowering young man. "Lemon drop?"

"Fool!" An unpleasant high voice cried from within the blankets Pettigrew was holding. "I told you to get the boy!"

"Sorry master," the weak willed wizard simpered.

Dumbles, being of an amiable sort, just sighed when no one agreed to the delicious muggle candy. With a flick of his wand, Pettigrew was bound and the bundle sudden sharing a grave with "Tom Riddle". Dumbledore always did love irony, and he technically did not just defeat Voldemort. Just buying time really.

"Oh how delightful," Dumbles crowed when he realized he could go back with the Portkey. "Come my boy, let's be off to Hogwarts." With a flick of his wand the Portkey and Pettigrew zoomed toward him and back to Hogwarts.

HPHPHP

"Ah Cornelius, my dear boy good to see you again." Dumbles greeted the portly wizard who blinked stupidly at the reappearance of the great wizard.

"Dumbledore, explain this nonsense!" Fudge blustered, trying to gain control of the situation, it didn't help that the Boy-Who-Lived and Lovegoods' offspring were twirling in a circle together while the crowd and other champions looked on in amusement.

"Alas I am unaware as to what has gotten into young Harry." Albus said with a great deal of eye twinkling, which infuriated the Minister, but before he could say anything Ronald Weasley suddenly shrieked like a little girl.

"THE PEDOPHILE IS BACK TO GET ME! HERMIONE HELP!" Ron pointed helplessly at the man beside Dumbledore before leaping into Hermione's arms. They both feel into a heap, causing many to laugh at their expense.

"Ronald Billius Weasley!" Hermione said shrilly, but nobody paid them much mind as Harry did something similar to Ron, though much more manly.

With a manly scream he pointed at Pettigrew and shouted, "OMG my parents betrayer! PETTIGREW!" Before he launched himself at Luna who caught him saying, "I'll protect you love!"

HPHPHP

That shout would cause the ministry two months of problems, the freedom of Sirius Black and the loss of Harry's already questionable sanity (what do you expect living with an ex-convict who lived in Azkaban and Luna Lovegood as a girlfriend). Dumbles and Harry spent the next summer hunting down horcruxes, which involved a Goblin ritual to remove Riddle's soul from Harry's scar, and the increase of Goblin rights to get Huffelpuffs cup. No one died, Death Eaters were sent to Azkaban, including those that escaped incarceration in the past (Malfoy's lost all their money and mooched off the Weasley's forever more), when Snape died he was eternally pranked by the Marauders (including Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor), Harry had many children (none with the names Albus or Severus in them), Neville's parents become sane, Dumbles eyes were framed, and Kreacher had his head stuffed.

Ah justice!

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A/N:

This is weird, but was fun to write. I blame the dragon, she started this all... Oh well hoped you liked this.. thingy, yeah.

USMCcAnthem


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